The Ties that Bind

There are days when I think there can’t possibly be a heaven and days where I firmly believe there must be.  If paradise does exist then I know exactly what my heaven would be like.

My heaven would be a medium-sized house.  Not a big house, a big house would not serve my purpose at all.  A medium-sized house with no more than four bedrooms, a living room, a dining room and perhaps a den.

And my entire family would be there.

It wouldn’t have to be a special occasion.  An eternal Christmas would be nice, but only if it’s the type of heaven where you never get bored of any specific day.

But my entire family would be there.  My uncles who have died, cousins that I never knew, or hardly knew.  Every single one of my relatives would be there, even the ones I hardly know.

Because even though I struggle to remember Tracy’s wife’s name or I have no idea what Lisa does for a living, I still miss them.  If Trish or Sarah (who’ve I’ve seen perhaps twice in ten years) wasn’t there then it wouldn’t be the same.

My grandmother died on Wednesday.  The weekend prior, the entire family gathered to see her one last time.  I’m not entirely sure she knew who I was, but I’m glad I got to see her regardless.

The funeral was today and the priest who conducted the mass took one look at us and said, ‘You’re not a family- you’re a tribe.’  I liked that.

When I was younger I don’t think I understood the incredible importance of family.  Now that I’m getting older it’s becoming far more clear.  There are cousins that I will probably never be very close to, but they’re my family and I love them.

I can’t describe the incredible happiness I feel when I see all of my family in one house.  As much as I love spending time with Jeff, Miranda, Imelda and Corinna, there’s something wonderful about all forty of us gathered in one place together.  It’s this wonderful, beautiful thing that can never be replicated or adequately described.

It’s my greatest hope that we’ll continue being a family even though our matriarch has died.  I know that family was the most important thing to her, and she would want us all to stick together even now that she’s gone.

But yes, if there’s a paradise my family would be there in their entirety.  In fact, God’s first words to me would be, “Don’t worry.  Everyone’s here waiting for you.”

Family Gathering as Tweeted by myself, @Imelda and @richhumofair

atypicalsnowman:  Trying to get home.

richhumofair: Going to Corpus Christi early in the morning to make a sad & unexpected trip. Staying at Dad’s tonight.

imelda:  Can’t go to SA to see Wicked because family emergency. Anyone want to buy 1-5 tickets for Wicked tonight? Pls RT and DM me.

atypicalsnowman:  Trying to make it to Robstown in time.

richhumofair:  Picked up Jeff and now headed to CC.

atypicalsnowman:  @richhumofair is looking around the room confused. @imelda has no tact but in a funny way.

richhumofair: At Aunt’s house. Looking at @atypicalsnowman‘s photos. Dad keeps telling me that there are donuts w/sprinkles.

imelda:  Found out I had a distant relative that ran away and joined an Indian tribe. Chief Flowers! Interesting family history being shared.

atypicalsnowman: She only does that cause she knows she would win.

richhumofair: Taking photos of my grandmother’s house. How…strange and overwhelming.

richhumfoair:  @atypicalsnowman: “The Liberty Bell isn’t glued to the ground. It can go on a tour.”

atypicalsnowman:  @richhumofair If the Magna Carta and the Mona Lisa can go on tour I don’t see why it can’t.

richhumofair:  It’s 217 degrees outside, so we are back in the house. Dad is trying to figure out how to use his new video camera.

richhumofair: Dad laughs at my photos. Apparently, @atypicalsnowmantakes “weird” photos too.

atypicalsnowman:  Participating in a very odd vigil.

imelda:  Visiting with grandma and a TON of family including @atypicalsnowman @richhumofair

atypicalsnowman:  Trying to remember the order of the thirty first cousins.

richhumofair:  OH: “Thank god the weather talk is over.”

richhumofair:  @Imelda: “Hey, let’s all talk about the phones we have!”

richhumofair: Playing Uno with @atypicalsnowman, @imelda, and Mason. For the first time.

atypicalsnowman:  Just made @richhumofair draw four in a game of uno. ‘that’s so rude!’

richhumofair: Kim: “Ooh, I can be on your team!” @atypicalsnowman: “There are no teams in Uno!”

imelda:  Snowcone run!

atypicalsnowman:  Snowcones.

richhumofair:  Back from getting a snowcone. Today feels like the longest day ever.

atypicalsnowman: Oh wait. Sorry. Forgot to channel my inner Mexican. Raspas.

atypicalsnowman:  Mason- I like snowcones better than water.

imelda:  Visiting my Grandmothers old house. What great memories. On to the park and corner store like old times. #fb

richhumofair: Going back home. Got two adorable old photos of my dad and Jeff. It feels like I forgot something.

atypicalsnowman:  Just got home after a very strange, emotionally exhausting yet refreshing day. Yes, I know that makes no sense.

It Was No Coincidence That Macs Were Converted to Intel Soon After

 

Kristen

I think my new computer wants to eat my old one.

Seriously, it’s looming.

Natalie

Aw.

Computer cannibalism.

Kristen

The heathens.

**

Kristen

I think the big computer wants to eat the little computer.

Andy

They’re macs.  It would just shit out a shuffle.

Kristen

hahahahaha

**

John

Holy shit!  That’s your new mac?  That’s insanely big.

Kristen

Yeah, I know.

John

If I’d walked in there, I’d be like ‘wtf Kristen, when did you get a fucking atom collider?’

Kristen

Hahaha.

This Explains the Tiny Loafer I Found on my Fishstick That One Time.

 

Mouse

http://www.wimp.com/fishfind/

Kristen

Ah, so you are awake.

I didn’t want to message you lest you get all pissy again.

Mouse

Just.

Kristen

Shark with legs?

Mouse

Fish

Evolution

Kristen

Yeah, it was strange.  A Christian group went crazy over the existence of this animal.

They actually called into question where the money for the expedition came from.

Never once mentioning ‘omfg there’s a fish with legs.’

Mouse

hahahaha

Where did you hear this?

Kristen

A year or so ago.

When they found the walking shark.

Seriously, they went nuts.

But not like ‘omg evolution’

More like ‘hey, where did you get the money to fund this?’

This is obviously some atheist plot.

All the while the shark keeps walking.

Mouse

Strutting is more like it.

Smug fucker.

Kristen

haha

Mouse

All the other fish are fucking talking shit about him.

Kristen

“I can walk, bitches.”

Mouse

Because they still haven’t evolved.

This fish can wear pants now.

Kristen

hahaha

But they have terrible fashion sense.

Mouse

Great time to be alive.  The internet, black president, fish wear pants.

What kind of pants would fish wear? I say cut-off  jeans.

Kristen

No way.

Golf pants.

Like Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack

Mouse

YES

BRILLIANT!

SCIENCE!

Kristen

Seriously, it makes sense.

candygram…

Mouse

hahahahaha

RIP: Richardson’s Beard.

This Conversation is 100% Recycled Drivel.

 

Mouse

Is Tilda Swinton a lesbian?

Kristen

Don’t know.

But if she is cool cause then I’d have a shot.

She’s on my list.

She took over Natatlie Portman’s position.

Mouse

Really?

Kristen

Totally.

Mouse

Well, I can see it.

That whole eerie angelic beauty.

Where she looks strange

but in a beautiful way.

Kristen

Totally.

Beautiful.

Also tall.

Like Al Gore

Want to climb her.

Probably wouldn’t work out as well though.

Mouse

Probably not.

Al Gore could carry trees.

I imagine him in the woods

Cutting trees down with his bare hands.

Then recycling them to make more trees.

Kristen

Hahahahahaha

Arby’s Emmanuel Roast Beef Sammich.

Alright so everyone should know by now I have a huge crush on Rahm Emanuel.  So glad that this video Obama roasting him is making the rounds on all the cable news channels.

Best part:

It hasn’t been easy for Rahm though as a young man he had a serious accident. I think, as many of you were aware of this, he was working at a deli, accident with a meat slicing machine, he lost part of his middle finger, and as a result of this, this rendered him practically mute.

Has he ever flashed that little stubby thing at you? That’s appalling.

Just recently, the polls came out, Democrats are doing better, Rahm turned around and gave his colleagues the high 4 and a half.