Terror at 30,000 Words Per Minute.

 

Ok so we all have irrational fears.  Mouse’s is being dipped into liquid nitrogen.  Andy’s used to be being abducted by aliens.  These are things that we know will never happen to us and we have no reason to fear them but we do anyway.

My irrational fear is this:  to be sitting alone in a room and sneeze and to have someone say “bless you.”

So tonight I was sitiing at my computer talking with my friend Andy when all of a sudden I get a weird text message.  I didn’t think anything of it until I mentioned it to him and then this happened (spelling errors left in to provide for atmosphere and mood):

Kristen

I just got the strangest text.

Some guy saying ‘bless you.’

oh mother ufck

foh fuck me

wtf

who sent that?

was that mouse?

ok i just realized what that was

[Andy] 

hahha, holy shit

Kristen

hohly fuck

holy fuck

if that was mouse i’m going to kil him

oh my god

ok totally terrified

oh my god

[Andy] 

hahahahha, it was me

Kristen

oh my god

i’m going to KILL YOU

YOU FUCKING TERRIFIED ME

i haven’t been taht scared

ever

EVER

i actually started crying

oh my god i hope you die

[Andy]

haha, wow, sorry

Kristen

nah that was really good

now that the terror is over

but yeah fuck you

So yes, you can actually see the point in which I realize what that message was and the total irrational TERROR that followed it.  I actually went into complete fight or flight mode and was simultaneously thinking of one:  how quickly I could get to the gun in the pantry and two:  how fast could my father get downstairs if I started screaming bloody murder.  And never once did it occur to my freaked out mind that I hadn’t sneezed all night and that there is no way someone would have texted me “bless you.”  Also, the whole time I couldn’t stop typing.

Also, Andy is feeling really, REALLY, smug right now seeing as how I’ve never been that terrified in my life. 

 

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~ by atypicalsnowman on June 25, 2008.

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